A Father's Journal (In the womb)
The First Trimester
September, 2001:
For many people having children is often a simple process. You want them,
you try, you have them. For us, we were in that group that it was not as easy.
Due to medical reasons, conception was not possible early in our marriage.
The abridged version of our story is that after visiting more doctors than
I can even remember, technology finally caught up with our personal dilemma
this year. We had faced the possibility that we would never had children,
but my gut told me this would be the year. When you are in this process, failure
is the norm. After a while you almost steel yourself, because your hope's
have been dashed so many times before. I just knew that this time it was going
to be a success. For the first time I started talking openly about the baby
and what we were going to do. A little over four weeks after conception, my
joy was confirmed. Melony was pregnant!
Oct 1, 2001:
Technology is unbelievable. We saw the first sonogram picture of the baby.
It was less than a centimeter in size. This created one question for me. This
is America. How many inches is that? I am assuming it is about an inch. To
see the formation of all the body parts at such an early stage is amazing.
It was at this point I could really relate to being a father.
October 8, 2001:
The name game has begun. Of course every friend and family member has their
suggestion. I can usually head off most suggestions by explaining to each
that if I chose that name, I would harm the child by all the horrible abridged
versions I would use in addressing the child during their lifetime. The name
Emily was rejected because I was going to call her Auntie Em. And my God!
How many baby name books are there in this world? There is not a worse whipping
than sitting with your wife going from A to Z discussing every name possibility.
I found myself pretending to listen after a while. There is a limit to the
male attention span when it comes to such matters. It becomes more complicated
at this point because you don't know the baby's sex so you have to agree upon
a female and male name. However, this process opens many secrets in a marriage.
I have been selecting names for baby boys for fifteen years. My dear spouse
has never objected to many of them. Now that we are actually going to have
one, those precious names of mine are now being rejected to the cesspool of
names. It is a fascinating process to find out what names each prefers.
October 15, 2001:
It is at this time that the father finds out what his real place is in the
family and the marriage. For years I have pleaded and asked during family
budget meetings to spend money on certain house improvements or the purchase
of certain vehicles. These decisions were always rejected as not being fiscally
sound at the time. But Whoa Nelly! Once there is a child coming, suddenly
that old ratty carpet that I have wanted to replace in our house is suddenly
priority number one. It was OK for me to lay on that rug and do my stretches,
but put our child on it? I think not. Painting and redesign of all things
in our home is now on the fast track. The George financial vault is being
quickly emptied as we speak. I love the new carpet however!
October 22, 2001:
By now everybody within our human universes has been told of our pending child.
Heck, I've gotten so now I will tell my good news to anyone who may listen.
Sometimes I think I should just get a sign and stand at one of the major Dallas
intersections. The sign would say, " I'm going to have a baby. Please
acknowledge by honking your horn. Gently used baby furniture at a cheap price
needed. Call......." As I trail off into my exciting story with everyone
I meet, I must always talk about that it is my first child. I will be 55 when
they are born and that PTA will be fun because I will get to hang out with
25 - 30 year old moms when I am 60. My only fear is that I will tell this
pathetic story to someone who has already been hit with it. Oh and did I mention
I plan to be a stay at home Dad?
October 29, 2001:
BABY FURNITURE! The one thing I love about America is that there are so many
ways to make money and lots of it. Being the naive first-time father, I proudly
declared that nothing but new matching furniture would fill my child's room.
Then I made my first visit to the Baby Furniture Store. As you walk in you
immediately are drawn into the world of fantasy that may be the world of your
child the first two years. Do we go white, brown, or blue? What kind of dresser
and other clothing chests do you get to match the bed? How does this fit into
the baby's room? You look at all the options and then you get it down to a
couple of possibilities. As we were doing this, I was always adding up the
dollar total. Usually the final figure was between one and two thousand dollars.
Doable. Ah but here is where reality starts crashing in. Where they get you
is that they decorate the beds and dressers with all this cool matching and
coordinated linens and such. The Topper? Beds do not include the mattress!
So to have a mattress and have all the cool matching stuff, you suddenly spring
into the three to five thousand area. I swear the furniture is sold at cost
and then they make all their profit on the stuff that makes it look cool.
My plans have changed. A garage sale may be in my future. Is the baby really
going to look up at me before they are two and say, "Dad my bedroom furniture
sucks!
November 5, 2001:
A recurring theme has come up whenever I tell friends and acquaintances that
I am to be a papa. They always say, "Well, you will have to start setting
money aside for their college education" Am I out of step? Yes, I would
love to provide a college education for my child. However, I don't feel that
it is their God given right. I got a college education and look where it got
me. I rely on runners and walkers to make a living. That shows you what a
degree in English will get you. It is not what you know, it is how you live
your life. If you have good communication skills, have good reading abilities,
get along well with others and have computer skills, you can go far. Wait
a minute, maybe that is why I am a race director. I will go to open that education
fund next month. Just remember your entry in the Dad's Day 5k pays for my
child's first two days in college!
November 12, 2001:
The last week of the first Trimester. The gods have been good to me. They
have blessed me with a wife who has experienced no morning sickness or any
problems whatsoever. No weird food cravings. Nothing! What a deal. In fact
the pregnancy has turned my wife into a health maniac. Since we have been
married I have always been the runner, the food fanatic. She has always maintained
a great shape and had fantastic health, but has never been one to worry too
much about exercises or food choices. I have always been after her to eat
more fruits and vegetables and drink more water. Now I am the food hog! She
is a saint with drinking tons of water, eating the right foods and even wanting
to go for evening walks. Once again I find out the importance I have in my
marriage. Do you think I should be worried?