The Fourth Year
I am getting excited buddy! Dad Fest is just over a week away. You will be at the start line and up on stage with me as you have been since you were born. Lot's of kids are coming and there will be lots of things to play with, so we should have a great time. This is a special time for you and me as Mommy just went through an invitro fertilization. We are hoping a brother, sister or maybe both will be on the way by the next Dad Fest. If so it will be a pivotal moment in your life as you will have palymates but also competition for our affection. I hope it will not be an issue, because Dady will always focus on you and he has plenty of love to go around. We are having a hard time now getting you to eat anything. You only want "chocolate milk". You are so cute when you say it though it is difficult for us to say no. I always thought a kid would be bugging me to feed them all the time but not you. Just hand over the chocolate milk Dad! You are still the best kid. I was thinking just this week that I have travelled all over the world. I have met many thousands of people. Rich people, poor people, little people, tall people, athletes, famous people, important people, and many others. They have all been fascinating and pert of the fabric of my life. But of all the people that I have met, by far the most interesting and fascinating person I have met is you. Thanks for joining my life. I look forward to Dad's Day. Being your dad is the best thing in the world. (Entry of June 9, 2005)
We now have our last summer together before you start part-time preschool. Daddy is working hard to get his work caught up on his work so we can enjoy a lazy, hazy summer together. I will try for summers to always be a free time for you. Life is too short to be working all the time. You can now ride your tricycle and spend many hours on it. Your latest favorite video is Blue's Clues. Your attention span is much like mine. After about three months of watching a video you are ready to move on to new ones. The good news is that you are still a happy boy. Your life is filled with smiles and we try to have fun all the time. You still like working with daddy on his company and I pray that continues, only because that means we will spend more time together. You have gotten your first computer and you have your own little desk next to mine. So far all you want to do is put disks in and out and turn the computer off and on. Our latest game of choice is Timber. I sit on your bed. You climb up my back to sit on my shoulders. I then begin to say Timber as I fall over sideways and you fall on the bed. We laugh out loud and you always say " Oh Daddy". The bad news is that you now want to play this game no matter where we are. I love you my son! (Entry of June 24, 2005)
This is an interesting time in our lives together. Daddy has no pressing business demands and you have not yet gone off to school, so we have a kind of farewell summer to your early childhood. All day we think of new imagination games. You love to be grabbed and tossed about. The smile on your face is priceless. For it never is really about what we do exactly, but more about we are doing it with one another and it is that connection we love. I am really liking your sense of humor. You love to play tricks on others and always laugh greatly when the joke is on you. You are addicted to Blue's Clues now. On the July Fourth weekend your mother, you and I spent a weekend in Granbury, Texas. You loved it because you had both parent's full attention and you could go swimming four hours a day, which you did. You have no fear of the water and will love swimming when we get our pool fixed. We have 45 days before you start pre-school 3 half days a week. Here's to a lazy, hazy summer of fun. As always you are my special son. (Entry of July 13, 2005)
I have just laid you down on the couch for a nap after falling asleep in my arms as we rocked in a chair in my office. These are the real moments I treasure with you. You always take one of your fingers and caress my hand between my thumb and pointing finger when you fall asleep. I wish I could have kept you in my arms for the 3 hours you will probably sleep, but it is during this time that I get much of my work done, including writing this to you. Always remember my son it isn't so much what you do with the people you love, but mostly the fact that you are with the people you love and that is what is important. You are growing so big and showing more and more independence. You want to do it yourself. You don't want daddy's help. You are in little boy heaven this wek, because I have an event this weekend and I have tons of boxes and plastic containers that you can play with and use your imagination. I like the fact that it is daddy's things you wish to play with and not some toy we bought for you. The only things we buy now for you are books and educational videos. Your favorite book now is Yummy, Yucky and being a boy you laugh hardily every time I say the word yucky. I have you all to myself for 2 more weeks and then you go to pre-school for three half days a week. I must let you go, so you can learn to be around children your age. I know you will do well, because you have the confidence inside you that my love gives to you. As always, my life is blessed because of you (Entry of August 11, 2005)
I just dropped you off at the second half day of your pre-school. It is so difficult for me as I want to be with you every waking moment of your day, but I know ultimately that would never prepare you for your life ahead. You show excitement about the school but when you get there it makes you nervous, because it is not the safe quiet little world we have shared for the past 3 1/2 years. It is such a joy to see you develop and become a young man. At times I look at you and just see my baby that I want to take in my arms and kiss and hug and at times I see the young man that pushes me aside and says Daddy I love you but I have to do other things to do and see. I can hardly wait for the day when your language skills develop so we talk more to one another. i imagine I may be a pest to you growing up and some days you would wish I just go away. But I will persist and I will inflict myself upon your world, because an infusion of constant support, guidance and love is the way a child's life is meant to be lived but often never is by many of the children of the world. You are my sunshine and I love you more each day. (Entry of August 31, 2005)
Daddy and you went to our first Texas Ranger basball game alone together. You have been to several other Ranger games, but we always someone else with us. I picked you up from your pre-school on a Wednesday noon hour and we drove straight to the park. As we worked our way into the park, I proudly declared to anyone who would listen that it was our first trip together to watch a baseball game. We sat in the left field porch and you wore your Texas Ranger baseball hat and had your first glove on. That was about as involved as you ever got with the actual game. The trip was mostly just you and I hanging out together with nothing special to do or think about other than just laughing and playing together. I had a great time. Starting next year it is my dream that you and I will start going to Arizona each March for a few days to go to spring training. Life is good. I love you. (Entry of September 18, 2005)
Daddy has been working too hard and there has not been enough time for you and I time and hardly any time keep up with my journal. You have been very understanding as always and have given me the space to work as much as needed and you have also put up with many boring meetings. Now you have school half days on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, plus Daddy takes you to the athletic club play room while Daddy works out. Yes Daddy has decided it is time to get back in shape and I am working out 2 hours a day 6 days a week. I feel the need to maintain my health so I live long enough to be with your children. You have now started using the computer. We are in trouble because that is all you do and soon you will pass my skills. By age five, I will have you doing this journal for me. But Daddy is off work now for 2 months so it will be bonding time for us. Christmas decorations go up next week and this should be the first Christmas that it will be a big deal for you. We have already started singing Christmas songs. You are now speaking in sentences and can repeat any word said to you. You have trouble with your L's, but that is cute. Of course everything you do is still bute. I love you so much and look forward to the Christmas season with you. (Entry of November 14, 2005)
This is an exciting time for you and I. You are still young enough to act like my dear baby boy. I treasure the times you come into my office, crawl up in my lap and fall asleep in my arms until at least one of my arms goes to sleep. I love the way we race each other to get to my car. I love all the nonsensical boy things we do together. There is never a game plan nor any reason to the make believe games we play together. Mostly we just laugh on how silly we are. In my life I have never had anything touch my heart as much as when you say the words daddy. On the other hand my little boy is growing up. He is leaving the baby things behind. Old favorite toys have lost their value. The baby bottle and the diapers are becoming a fading memory. Dressing yourself has become more important. You now tell me what you want to wear. You have a pair of tennis shoes that have flashing lights and spiderman on them. They are the hardest shoes to get on your feet, but each morning it is with great insistence that you declare " Man shoes Daddy" And each day you can say more things. But for now you and I are enjoying the Christmas season together. You like the pretty lights and all the many Christmas decorations about the house. I am amazed at how quickly you know most of the words to may Christmas songs. Christmas songs are the best in the world. Daddy never tires of them. I have many Christmas memories bult around singing these same songs. Merry Christmas my son. I love you so much! (Entry of December 2, 2005)
The year 2005 has ended. What a great year it was! I think I can safely say you and I had a great time. You are in rapid growth now. You are discovering the power to speak and reason. Each day you speak a sentence that just excites me to no end. As I was bringing firewood from the back yard to the fireplace this past week, I stubbed my toe and was espressing my pain verbally. You look up at me and "Are you OK?" Powerful stuff! As we journey into 2006 and your fourth birthday, here is my New Year's Resolution: I resolve that every day we are together, we will laugh together at least one time a day. I resolve cuddling at least 15 minutes a day is still acceptable to you and you don't feel as you are too big to do that. I resolve that the joy of life precedes the work of life. I resolve to spend 2006 strengthened by the magic of your smile. May the adventure continue! I love you! (Entry of January 1, 2006)
Parents always want everything to be perfect for their children and it is always frustrating when life shows that is not going to happen. You have started off 2006 with minor surgury. The glands under the skin below your eyes got blocked up somehow and you became cute boy with huge red lumps protuding from your face. We were told by the doctor to hopefully wait and they would go away on their own, but that didn't happen. The last few days, we got a taste of how parents who have kids with any kind of defect feel. In grocery stores, at school, and at church, we were always asked by strangers, "What is wrong with his eye?" Once I started refering to you as elephant boy, mommy made the appointment to get it fixed. So then you had sticthes for a while and then everyone was asking when we started beating you. Ah it takes a snoopy community to raise a child! But you took it like a little soldier and were a good boy. Ah but potty training! I have never been so involved the excretory system of another human being in my life! Growing up, my mother never really ever discussed much of my early childhood with me, but if she said it once, she said it ten thousand times, "Lewis, you were impossible to potty train. It was a battle from beginning to end!" Ah my son, the cycle of life continues. No matter what, each moment with you is precious and I love you more each day. (Entry of January 20, 2006)
We have made it through another Dallas winter. We both dislike it, because it is below 70 degrees and we can't go outside much or for very long. In preparation, we have cut your hair short. Unfortunately, you did inherit my hair. It goes every direction but the right one and no matter how much I comb and do whatever, it always looked like I was a bad parent and you never took baths and your hair was unkempt. You were a little sensitive the first few days as everone who saw you made a big fuss and mostly you just hid behind me and could not figure out what the big fuss was. In just a month or so, we will be in swimming pool weather. Daddy has to work real hard this month to get as much work done as possible as once the pool opens, I will be relgated to being your personal life guard. I imagine that from dawn to dusk, all I will hear is, " Daddy, go swimming?" This is going to be a special month for me as I get to live one of my life long dreams with you. Since I was your age, I have always been a huge baseball fan and for the last 30 years a Texas Ranger baseball fan. So for the first time, you. I and mommy are going the Ranger's spring training camp for three days in Arizona. We get an added benefit as we get to spend some time with my oldest sister, Deanna, her husband and a favorite aunt of Daddy's. Baseball and family! Nothing better, son! I hope you have a good time. Lucky for me, so far your favorite sport to play and watch is basebal, so life could not be better. Life is good. I love you! (Entry of February 27, 2006)
These days are magical for me. Your entire attention span does not exceed 10 minutes either way. You don't really think or care about what you did 10 minutes ago and 10 minutes into the future is not a concept you can grasp. This is the way life was meant to be lived. I am feeling the beauty of the simple life. We go out and I walk around the block while you ride your tricycle. We stop and marvel over the power of an ant bed when we stir it up. We glorify and sanctify every acorn we find. We talk about the clouds and what they look like. We focus on the dynamics of driving your trike through water and what your tires look like and then the track you make. Then it is the fascination of driving over tufts of grass that have sprung up in the cement alley. We finish with an uphill ride back to our back yard. And then you point at the couch and say "Sit Daddy" knowing that we are going to cuddle and watch Little Bear on Noggin TV. And then we escape off to Little Bear Land and all is good with the world. You are powerful stuff! (Entry of March 8, 2006)
Today was Daddy's birthday. I just went back and looked at this date in previous years and I realized I had never really celebrated my birthday with you before. I was raised with very little emphasis on birthdays. So it never has been a big deal for me. But today I celebrate my life with my buddy, Ro. We hung out and laughed and played and really didn't do much of anything. The best gift a daddy can get on his birthday is love from his son. Mommy and Daddy also signed their futures away today so we could get a new pool this summer. Soon that will be the only subject of these entries. Daddy tries to think how we will balance pool time against getting skin cancer. Ah but more meaningless time to play. This time we will have a clean pond. The important things in life! Soon you will be four. I love you. (Entry of April 11, 2006)
I am sure that when someday you read this narative of our life together, you may ask "So what happened in the time period between each entry?" So here is why. You and are living both an unremarkable and remarkable life together. The "things" you and I do on a daily basis really is never anything of any major consequence. What is major is the time we are together and just being together. Of all the things you can ever give to another human being, your time is one of the highest gifts you can give. So writing about my time with you would be I think rather dull writing. The time I invest in you will carry you much farther in life than any words I may splash on this page. I write this mostly because one of the sad aspects of human beings is that the most magical time of their live's (0-5) they never have any memory of it. I hope you will always remember that this was a magical time and we had a blast. (Entry of April 22, 2006)
Well this will be my last entry before you turn 4 next week. You have had interesting responses every time we have discussed the idea of your birthday. The Happy Birthday song is one of your favorites. You love singing happy birthday to both Mom and Dad on a daily basis. It is great fun. However, everytime we try to sing Happy Birthday to Ro, you won't have any part of it. You shout out "No" and try to plug your ears. You claim that Ro does not have birthdays. Hold on to that concept. Excitement is growing in our household as we are installing a new swimming pool in our backyard. A summer of swimming fun is ahead of us. And we have great news that I am sure will have a major impact on you. Mommy is pregnant with our second child. It was our last attempt to have another child. It will arrive in late October. We will know if it is a boy or girl soon after your birthday. Since you have always been the center of our universe, I am sure this will create a major upheaval in your life. Mommy wants a girl. Daddy just wants another child. Next year Daddy gets to run a business and juggle the needs of two children. We have tried discussing why Mommy's tummy is expanding and also about having a brother or sister, but at this point, it really means nothing to you. As always your universe is lived in ten minute segments. Nothing that has happened more than 10 minutes ago or something that is ten minutes away is the only reality you know. It is a focus that I have tried to incorporate more into my life. It really makes more sense than focusing on long ago happenings or distant future possibilities. So today Ro and Daddy live, play and love together. Happy 4th Birthday Son! Love Dad (Entry Of May 11, 2006)