A Father's Journey - Age 0 - 6 months
Age 6 months to 1 year - The Second Year - Year 3 - Year 4 - Year 5 - Year 6 - Year 7
My son Roland Lee George arrived in my world on May 17, 2002.
I have spent the last five weeks immersing myself in his presence. I hope to
write an ongoing journal about my life with Ro. Hopefully some day he will old
enough to read it and know truly how much his father loves him. What follows
will be my thoughts of fatherhood. They will be random, unscheduled, and not
just about things that happen, but more about thoughts and emotions.
I am a super hyper person...until now. Son, you can sleep so deeply for so long that when I am holding you minutes stretch into hours. Everyone tells me my life no longer belongs to me because I have a child. They act as though it a sacrifice to raise a child. Honestly, my life was nothing to brag about before you came. The most amazing thing is the world gathers around a child. Since you were born, interaction with people in my world has multiplied. I actually am getting know my neighbors. They all want to be a part of your world. I can't go anywhere with you without at least five or more people coming up to me and speaking with a complete stranger. You've played the part well, because never once have you fussed or cried when out in public. The world loves a quiet, sleepy baby.
If you ever have a child of your own, you will find that there is nothing sweeter than the smell of a baby. I can't describe it in words. Your weird Dad loved the way you smelled. I think it is because you really can't see me or anyone else. You can't talk. I am sure your brain is trying to put the mathematics of language. It must hurt at times. You also can't even control your muscles. You have no control over your bladder and digestive system. You drink bottle after bottle of formula. You belch and fart a lot. So I think babies make up for all these shortcomings by smelling the way they do.
I worry that we hold you too much. Then once I even think that,
I dismiss it totally. Humans are so strange! Can you hold a baby too much? Can
you give them too much attention? Why is it we have no trouble distancing ourselves,
but question when things are good. I realize that soon enough you will be pulling
away from me. Although my touch will be essential to your life, you must go
out to be touched by others. This time will be short and sweet. So yes you will
be held a lot.
(Entry of June 24, 2002 From Lewis to Ro)
Well, Ro, you and Daddy did their first man thing together today.
I never realized that although I have spent numerous hours with you in the first
six weeks of your life, your mother (who loves you more than life itself) has
not let you or us out of her sight once. Let me correct that. She doesn't have
much need for me, so I have been able to leave her sight as much as I want.
Since you've came along, I am pretty much lost my alpha male position. Anyway
I digress. Daddy and you took a trip to Home Depot to get parts to repair my
sprinkler system in the yard. Understand, up to this point, I would usually
just call someone and pay them to handle such matters. However, I now know I
must assume some manly activities so you will find we will be visiting such
places together a lot. Of course you fell asleep before we got off the driveway
and never woke up. But hey you were in the stroller as I trolled the grand aisles.
And always know you look like an angel when you asleep. I Love You.
(Entry of June 27, 2002 From Lewis to Ro)
Before you were two months old you have now come to three of
my events. You have done wonderfully! Of course everyone coos and fawns over
you, so what is not to like. You really seem to be having a good time and you
have calmed Daddy down a bunch, because no matter how tense things get, just
looking at you reminds me that I what I do to make money is not really that
important. I just hope that you will not be too terribly bored with running
events and grow up hoping to do anything but!
(Entry of July 3, 2002 From Lewis to Ro)
You got to see your first fourth of July fireworks. Let me rephrase
that. Daddy and Mommy got to see your first fireworks. Since I have no other
child as reference, you have to be the most relaxed laid back kid ever. To put
it mildly you had no interest. You sat on the car hood in your car seat with
your folks and slept like a rock. Maybe you saw them in your dreams. Oh well
next year. You will like the 4th of July because it will be one of the few days
each year we will let you stay up late.
(Entry of July 4, 2002)
You took your first trip by airplane this week. Mom and Dad
took you to Montana to meet your Aunt , Grandma, and cousins. Once again you
were great! No one on the plane even knew you were there. Of course you were
in your favorite position, Sleeping in Momma's arms. While in Montana, we went
to the top of a mountain on the continental divide in Glacier National Park.
Daddy will always remember it, because as I was carrying you up the stairs at
the visitor center, you had just filled your diaper and it began spilling over
to the only shirt I had brought. The other tourists there, thought you were
so cute and that Daddy was a goof. And of course for some reason, we had left
your diaper bag in the car. So Daddy had to leave you crying in Momma's arms
while I ran back. I proudly stood at the top of world holding my son wearing
a urine soaked T-shirt.
(Entry of July 15, 2002)
Well, buddy we made the transition. Mommy has gone back to work
and we have been left to our own devices. Honestly, it has been easier than
I ever thought possible. When it comes to choosing between work and you, you
are always the winner. You slid into my work rhythm rather quickly. I hope this
doesn't warp you too much but you started sitting in my lap from age 10 weeks
on while I work on the computer and talk on the phone. Every time I have to
go out for business reasons I have toted you along. This has mostly bored you
and you have conveniently drifted off to sleep. These are great times as I sit
and talk to you and occasionally you reward me with a smile and laughter. You
know it is always said that children look to their parents for approval all
the time. I am finding out already that it works the other way also. I find
myself constantly seeking your approval via that special smile of yours. You
are my buddy!
(Entry of August 7, 2002)
Daddy spent his first days away from you. I went to Seattle
to spend time with old friends for a weekend. It was strange just being around
adults. I missed you a lot. You are now getting quite used to being held all
the time. When Daddy needs to do some work during the day, you didn't always
understand. Of course Mommy made up for it, because when she gets home, she
hits the couch with you and the two of you go to Mommy-Ro land.. You do love
your mommy! So far you are a pretty happy baby and I am happy to have you here
(Entry of August 16, 2002)
I have found the key to a peaceful co-existence with you so
I can get some work done during the day and not have to work until midnight.
You like to sleep from 10 am to Noon so that is when I run most of my car errands
because you really sleep in the car. And that makes you a happy kid the rest
of the day. All I have to do is spend two hours a day just you and I (no work)
and you are good to go. I am happy to say that so far it has been a joy to have
you working as my partner. Your daddy is the luckiest man in the world, because
your mommy sacrifices by going off to an office. It just kills her, because
she wants to spend every waking moment with you. I sometimes find myself just
staring at her and wondering why I got all the luck by marrying her.
(Entry of August 25, 2002)
It has been a wild three weeks. You and I have been working
seven days a week. Three events in five weeks. You have spent most of this portion
of your life in the car seat as we have been on the go constantly. You have
been a sweet baby and have caused very little fuss. You have been adored wherever
we have gone. I am not certain with people look at me with admiration or just
total puzzlement. How can one be a sharp business owner when he has a four month
old baby with him all the time. Son, I hope someday you read this. I have stumbled
a lot in my life and have made lots of mistakes and honestly I am not certain
I understand myself or life any better than thirty years ago. However, I would
ask you to do one thing for me. Live by this motto; Be loving, love your family
and what other people think about you is really none of your business. You are
growing like a weed. You are up to fifteen pounds. My feelings for you are the
most intense I have ever felt in my life.
(Entry of September 15, 2002)
This you and your daddy at our first Texas Rangers Baseball
game. As you have already found out your daddy loves baseball. You will be going
to many games with me in your lifetime. The Texas Rangers are seldom very good,
but the baseball park is beautiful and it is a great way to spend a summer day
really doing much of nothing but talking and watching other people. My philosophy
was spoken well by Woody Allen. I love baseball because it really doesn't mean
anything and you can talk about nothing for hours. Anyway you were great as
usual. When the Rangers scored five runs early in the game and the crowd went
wild, it scared you and you cried, but you were over it quickly and as the game
went on you handled the noise much better because the Rangers stopped scoring
and as usual our bullpen blew up. We lost to Oakland 10-8. However, everyone
in our section decided they must get to know you. I must have passed you on
to at least four or five of the most gorgeous Texas women you wanted to hold
you and cuddle you. What a life! None of them wanted to hold daddy. We stayed
after for Fireworks and you were very tired. But you didn't crash when we got
home. I hope that was because you had such a great time with your dad at your
first Ranger ballgame.
(Entry of October 2, 2002)
I want to write this little book for you without much structure.
As in real life, special moments do not happen on a weekly schedule. So when
I write it will be because I have experienced something with you and I will
try to write about it just after it happened. Today we went on the back porch
and we sat together and you had your first experience of watching and listening
to rain. In Texas I think we seldom get the kind of day-long steady rain that
we got today. It was wonderful to watch your little mind try to compute what
was going on. You occasionally got hit by a stray raindrop and you strained
to see what was causing it. But most of all you were fascinated by the sound
of the raindrops on the roof of the the porch cover. You made me notice that
the sound of rain on the roof was very loud. I had just tuned it out. Here was
an act of nature creating a cacophony of noises and I didn't even hear it. But
you as a baby seemed to notice every drop. Or maybe I just read way too much
into the experience and all you really wanted was to get back inside and grab
another bottle of "Moo" juice. As always, I love you, son.
(Entry of October 18, 2002)
It's hard to believe but you are going to be 6
months old this week. What a great time we have been having! You and Daddy went
and did men things this week. One thing about your daddy is that he really never
has cared much about cars. If I can get in, it starts, and I can drive it, that
is the car for me. So over the years I have owned and driven some pretty sorry
looking cars. And when I have gotten new cars it has always been with someone
else and it was pretty much a group decision. When I was 21 in 1968, I bought
a brand new 1968 Canary Yellow Dodge Charger. This car was meant to go 90+ miles
per hour at all times and I did. But this past week you and I went to the car
dealer and picked out a car. No one else had any say in it. Especially Mommy.
You sat on my lap and watched your daddy abuse car salesmen. You helped pick
out our car. We bought a brand new 2002 Nissan Xterra. Forever, this will be
the boy's car. Women folk will only get in when we need them. Lord knows what
cars will be like when we get around to getting your first one. But let's not
rush this. I pretty much am crazy about the way you are right now.
(Entry of November 10, 2002)